Some people think upon it with nostalgia while others cringe at the decisions that they have made. Or if you are like me then there is a healthy dos of the two of these mixed together.
The past is a funny thing because it can't be changed no matter how much you wish to. If I could change anything, I would change how naive and inexperienced I was.
But then again I guess I wouldn't have to change much since those two adjectives can no longer describe me....at least not to that extent. I'd like to think that I have lived. I've tried things that I tried again and also tried things that I will never do again.
That's what living is....trial and error.
Now, I'm still young and I have plenty of changing left to do and probably in five years I will look back and say " damn how annoying was I! Good thing I'm not like that anymore"
I'm on this topic because recently I've been reading some of my blogs from my earlier years.....it goes back to 2004....which is weird to think that it was so long ago...I mean I still remember the 90s.
But anyway so this got me reflecting on my past and also the things that have changed since my last entry into my other blog, which was like in 2006.
I was so nervous to start college and now I've graduated. I was so afraid that the friendships that I had would fall apart and now I'm happy to say that 2 out of 6 ain't bad...or if you want to get technical and make it a fraction then one third.
I was skeptical that I would find someone that I could like enough to be in a relationship with and now I have....liked and lost? or another four letter word that would be crude to say and also put my reputation in jeopardy.....cause I do declare I am a lady!
It's a wonderful thing to have this virtual time capsule at my disposable so that I can see what life was like for me back then.
Yes most of it was teen angst and emo poems but it reminded me that I once felt these strong emotions that, truthfully, I haven't felt in a long time.
I don't know if its because I don't make everything out to be such a big deal anymore or what. But damn was I whiny and angst ridden. Though not to say I didn't have a reason to be that way. Most of the writings were written when I had just lost my mother.
Time does heal all wounds. I wrote that I couldn't imagine having a day where I didn't cry or didn't have trouble breathing or even being alone in a room without fear of what I might do to myself.
It's scary to read that. To know that you wrote that.
This post has turned into a somber and melancholy one and hopefully this will be the last one like it.
Here are a few poems that I found in the vault.
1)
Isn't it funny how the life you lead makes you cringe
Making yourself numb by not obeying whats within
Life's too short to be hard-headed and rude
The key to success is to believe in you
Do what you're told and you'll cry at night
Do what you want and high you will fly
Grab a hold of wings and squeeze eyes tight
From this moment on you'll live the time of your life.
2)
A plastic bag.
Holds the weight .
Stretches yet never tears
Discarded
With only the memories of being useful.
3)
"The journey through time is a long one" she said
"With rivers of doubts and mountains of grief"
"Show me the way, the path of kings" he said
"To overcome these fears and insecurities"
"The way is quick and easy and sure" she said
"Love thy friends, thy family, their yours"
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